I love being a storyteller.
I love creating adventures.
I realized this while watching the Sailor Moon musical that my son took me to on Sunday.
While I’d already been coming out of my depression from last week and was beginning to make a plan about how to proceed. I’d talked it out and mulled it over. I even began purchasing new domains. While losing my .com’s is not fatal, it doesn’t make me happy either, but time will work things out.
When I initially bought my .com’s, I thought about buying the .net’s while I was at it. The little voice in my head told me not to be greedy — if someone else wanted the .net’s, then they should be able to use them. I felt like other people should have equal opportunity too. So I didn’t get the .net names.
Now, I fully understand why I had to leave the .net names available; if I hadn’t, they also would be hijacked. Still much work to be done.
But as I was watching the musical, I realized that what I enjoyed about being entertained was exactly the same feeling as when I am creating. The little voice, that same one, asked me if I could really, REALLY ever give that up. No, of course not.
So that made me feel better about my choice to go over to the .net names.
As I continued watching, realizing that I was fully in some sort of process (and knowing that I had to trust it), I began to see similarities between the musical and the universe of the Onesong that I’m building over several stories. That belief that we are all one is nothing new to me.
In watching Sailor Moon being stripped of everyone around her and the choices she makes, it made me think about so many things that brought about my own strength and independence over my entire life. I had originally started writing a blog about it, but then decided I didn’t want to share all that. Suffice to say there is a lot of baggage that has made up my protective armor.
It’s hard when you know that on a cosmic level, we are all one — energy having a collective adventure as individual beings, and yet I don’t believe that there are very many good humans or belief in a positive future. It’s why I like escaping this world into my imagination. How can both possibly exist?
I have very little problem seeing my “oneness” with a tree, or my car, my pets, my computer, or anything else around me, but throw another human into the mix and I instantly feel separate and distrustful. It’s no wonder that my domains had to become the core of this lesson. My domain names are an extension of me. Having one of them taken out of my control and seeing the others at risk for the same, felt as if I’d been cut off from a portion of myself. It felt like my identity had been stripped from me. I realized this on Friday and knew that it was silly. I am not my domains.
I just didn’t see the lesson then. No, I needed more of the process.
So here was Sailor Moon, with all her friends gone (think: domains) and having no choice but to embrace Chaos, which would bring her death (think: destruction of identity). From there she was “reborn.” Yet she returned with all her friends and lived happily ever after.
So, on the one hand, I knew it would be all right to rebuilt — things wouldn’t be much different.
But something else kept bugging me and I knew that it had to do with the reconciliation of self to oneness.
Now there’s a saying that you get what you expect. Darren Hardy even tells a story about how his mentor once told him to practice being an Inverse Paranoid, as if everyone were out there to help you and that the universe is conspiring for your success. I have felt this very feeling sometimes; I bet we all have. But I have problems practicing it. I don’t really feel that way most of the time. Instead, I feel distrustful and wary. I’d rather growl and keep my distance then let someone close enough to where they could hurt me.
Sailor Moon felt the warmth of her friends as they comforted her. They later told her that her warmth had drawn them to her.
I realized that my armor which keeps me independent has also kept me cold and harsh. I’d rather bark first than listen to what others offer. As I thought about this on the way home, I asked myself if I was ready to set aside my armor so I wouldn’t let myself feel separate anymore and would have more warmth, more oneness.
I would like to say that I am, but I know this is not a change that happens overnight. Instinctive habits die hard.
Yet, there is a reason I am the creator of Rockin’ Life. I am always trying to make myself better. I would really love to heal this disparity. Obviously my own personal growth depends on it, otherwise I will be subjected to losing myself when some other external factor arises that I cannot control. It would be much easier to stay open, warm, and accepting that the universe is conspiring for my greater good.
No matter what happens with my .com names, I have a plan and will do what needs to be done. I cannot control anyone else’s energy but my own. I am responsible for my own happiness, and happiness is a choice. My love of storytelling is something that no one can take away; that is part of my core. It is what makes me happy and I know that there are several readers out there who enjoy what I’m doing. And they will always find me through my stories. Does anything matter beyond that?
And in my stories, that is the one place I am completely free of my armor. Always. It is my light in the center of Chaos.
I am really glad Adrian took me to see Sailor Moon.
Even with life, one must trust the process.