Progress – March 4, 2019

I keep having imaginary conversations with myself. I really hate that because it’s such a time waster, which is not something I can afford right now. But, my mind keeps regurgitating things.

Dumb primitive animal brain!

Dumb things that I am forced to think about, things I want to say, things I don’t know that I should speak.

Grr! It’s irritating.

But, I think that’s been my week. It’s not been a good week. I’ve been going at it too hard all around, not getting enough sleep, and certainly not taking my vitamins and herbs like I should be.

And I keep yelling at myself that this is all “off brand” and “what the heck am I doing?” See? More imaginary conversations with myself.

Stupid brain!

Yeah, it’s been a hard week. I’m very discouraged and am really thinking about shutting the whole thing down. I’m feeling done with the emotional roller coaster. I want to stop the blog, stop the newsletter, stop the social media, stop the madhouse production, and just give up. I have come really close to that ledge this week and it nearly crumbled and gave way beneath me. It all just feels like so much work for so little reward.

I started to ask myself if anyone would even care. I’m really not sure anyone would.

What is this? Facebook? “I know no one will respond to this post, but if I could just get 3 likes I’d be over the moon and know I was loved.” I hate pleading posts. They are almost as bad as imaginary conversations, but at least those are kept to myself, even when I have them with myself about how much I despise someone asking me to respond to their post because they need to know someone cares.

Yeah, I’m not sure anyone cares. Not really.

I keep trying to remind myself that I’m going through my usually winter doldrums. Soon it will be spring and I’ll be enjoying the tulips which are already fighting their way out of the ground (even though I keep trying to tell them to wait because it’s still cold. It might as well be an imaginary conversation with myself).

So, this week it hasn’t been very fun to be in my skin. I really can’t wait until I get back to feeling like myself. I’m not certain what that will take, other than a couple nice spring days. I’m really tired of this cold and the soggy ground making every day boot weather.

It makes it so dang hard to get my words in when I’m depressed and feeling the despair too. Somehow, I crawled through my words each day. The only cool thing to say is that I’ve now gone beyond 200 days of getting my daily word goal in . My youngest son piped up with, “Gee, a little more and you’ll be at a year.”

My response was a little less enthusiastic.

I did get to work on audio this week. A couple weeks ago, I found that one character had a voice similar to another. I thought I could work with it. Nope, it just sounded wrong. So I’ve gone back and re-recorded her voice this week. I hope this new sound is so much better. Then I also got another chapter recorded.

But that’s been it. Writing, fighting with my own brain, and working a bit on audio. Slow, but steady. Okay, I guess I did some bookkeeping too — that counts.

Let’s go to the numbers:

Fiction words written last week:  4,073 words.

Blogs/Newsletter articles/non-fiction written:  1,272words.

Daily word goal reached for 205 days! Weekly word goal reached for 32 weeks.

Writing month to date total:  23,576 words for February. 2,282 words so far for March

Writing year to date total: 51,022 words

Drawing/painting last week: None for this week.

Audio: About 5 hours recording and editing audio.