This is a hard blog post for me to write.
Worse, I don’t know why.
Doesn’t matter though. This is still a post I’ve been avoiding to write.
90 Seconds to Courage is now available on Amazon.
Even though it is out to the world, I still have major trepidations about it and I don’t know why.
I keep asking myself: will it help anyone? Will anyone have positive changes in their life because I took the step forward to put this out? Is it worthy? Is it too broad? Will anyone care?
Yet, I keep practicing the very steps I have outlined there. But just because I find them helpful doesn’t mean anyone else will.
I have felt the need to keep quiet about it. I have thought about unpublishing it before it really gets out there in the world. I want to hide away in a cave as if I were ashamed.
Yet, every time I look at the manuscript I don’t see anything wrong with it. I find no reason for me to be feeling this way, other than it’s something new. I know that I need to feel the emotions flooding through me and then I need to press onward. I probably felt this way when I released my first few fiction books too, but I just don’t remember it.
It truly is scary when you want to reach outside of yourself to do or try something new. When I remind myself about this, I realize that this is why I wrote 90 Seconds to Courage. Yes, I’m afraid of what people will think about it. That means I care. I know that I have to build more and keep going. I know that I have to feel the emotions and allow them. I know that if someone does not like my book, it is merely an opinion (for which they have full right to) and I must return to my base statement of “person speaks” so that I can stay my course.
When I remember all this, I calm my anxiety over this book being out in the world. I have had to do that over and over since before the book was out there in the world. It doesn’t mean that my knees won’t start knocking in fear once more, but maybe next time I won’t have those emotions quite so strongly. Maybe I’ll get better at overcoming them until releasing non-fiction is just as easy and natural as publishing fiction.
And, along the way, maybe I will find that my words do help someone else to overcome their own knees knocking together with fear.