I’m posting this a little early today. I’m afraid what my mood is going to degrade into as the evening progresses.
Oh, the day started off fine. Then I listened to some truths and spoke some truths out into the world. Aren’t I smarter than that? No one cares. Literally, no one cares. I would have been better off to keep my mouth shut and saved my time and energy. I know better than this. Why do I do this to myself?
Then I tried to work on this painting. It wasn’t going well. And I had set my critical voice off.
So, my mood has just spiraled downward since then.
I knew it was bad when I was painting along and had some really negative self-talk going on out loud to myself about it. That was the time to stop painting.
Okay, well, I’m going to move on and put it behind me.
So, here’s where the painting was yesterday:
It was much darker now that the painting was dry and cured. I really wanted to come in and highlight the blues and yellows some more. Everything was fine until I wanted to add back in some of the reds.
Let’s just say that that didn’t work at all. I then tried to mix a darker color for the edges. That really didn’t work. I wished I’d taken a picture at this point, but I didn’t. My mind was in a panic with, “I can fix this!” I ended up putting a purple glaze over the top.
This is probably when my brain really picked up on the “you’re a failure” vibe.
I set it aside for a moment to let the glaze dry and worked on another piece, which I almost ruined. Fortunately, something was still alive inside me to shout, “You’re done. Stop touching!” right before I went too far.
Then I came back to this piece. Again, I came in for the blues and the yellows.
I even managed to get the reds back in.
I don’t feel like this is a nebula painting, but I really don’t know what else to do with it. So this is where it sits for the moment until I get a feeling for what the painting wants to become. I feel as if this painting wants me to dive deep into an experiment, but I don’t know what that is yet. I guess I’ll listen for a bit and see what comes up. We’ll continue when I get a little better idea.
And my mood has turned back to wanting to play and have fun.
It really won’t take long to do that. I can already feel the airplane turning. I know where my creative spirit likes to live, and it’s not within its own misery.