Spent time today writing and painting. I wish I could have done more.
Truth be told, I’ve discovered a toxic voice in my life. I realized it two weeks ago. It’s got me a little disheartened at the moment. There’s nothing like finding someone you trust suddenly telling you in snippy little ways that you’re not good enough and will never be good enough. Yeah, I have a thick skin until someone starts telling me that I just am not measuring up (and it’s to this person’s own biased and opinionated personal scale, so no one wins).
I hate imaginary yardsticks. Even more, I hate being put up against contradictory information coming from the one doing the measuring. This is why I dislike personnel reviews by employers; they will tell you that you’re doing a great job, but will find that one little niggling thing that you did wrong and slap it across your face like a wet sock.
So I’ve been taking deep breaths and trying to shove the evil little gnome back in the box. Unfortunately, damage has been done and my critical voice is going like a hungry Rottweiler shown a raw steak. As a result, I haven’t felt like getting much done. I thought taking yesterday off might help and for a bit, it did.
At least now I know. Now I feel armed.
It just sucks.
On the bright side, it makes me step back and re-evaluate the direction I’ve been going in. I will need to find a new balance, and develop a new plan of action. I have no doubt I will emerge better off. I just need a moment to reconfigure and reset. Yet, in the meanwhile I don’t feel like doing much of anything.
Except maybe for digging out some pretty amusing metaphors. Seems like I’m doing that well tonight. (grin)