Resisting change

Well, getting up with the sunrise just isn’t working for me. I guess that experiment is over. I wake when I wake.

Of course, I woke shortly before Kreeli came galloping in my room announcing that she needed to go out. At 15, if she’s running in the morning, that means its urgent. It means I better have my own sense of balance when getting out of bed and I better have my slippers on quick. We’ve had a few accidents, but she is still trying to get outside. It’s not like she wants to be old.

Merlin didn’t come out though. I think he decided it was too cold to come out. It was raining and has been all day. So after I fed the cats, I went back to bed and cuddled with Coville for a bit and did some journaling. I was afraid I was going to have a third Tuesday this week, so I finally forced myself up.

Even once I was to my computer, I didn’t feel like writing. I verbally had to tell myself to open the computer and start reading the book. Once I did, the magic happened. Of course. The real trick to overcoming resistance is just to start. Whatever it is that you don’t want to do, just start.

I continued outlining what I’d written on that first book in the series (yes, I’m still working on that, and this chapter had new characters and places for me to add). I lined out the chapter breaks for the next few chapters, which I might have to rearrange, but I always look at that as I’m outlining and cycling through the manuscript again adding details. I didn’t put many chapter breaks in when I was writing the manuscript originally. I knew there would be changes with writing the three books together.

Then I needed to get to work on the story I was going to turn in for one of my classes. Got that done and turned in. So I was back to the videos on the other class. Tomorrow I’ll have to work on the assignment for that class, but I have ideas of what to do, so hopefully I’ll get it done on time. That’s what I get for having a couple down days this week.

I wonder if I’m just resisting the changes in the season this year like the leaves on my maple tree seem to be doing. The picture above shows them still green in the center but going reddish brown on the edges. It seems like every October I go through this period of reflection where I assess where I’ve been and where I’m going. This year is really different because I won’t lose five months. I’ll be able to stay consistent in what I’ve spent the last few months building. My life isn’t about to be swallowed from December to April as it has been. It’s scary. I can make real plans that won’t just be tentative “I wish” thoughts. Before, it really didn’t matter if those plans came to fruition or not — I never really expected them to. But now, everything is different. I have a part of me that is terrified because I don’t have a track record for this type of thing. I have no data and the analytical side of my mind is just screaming, “Danger, Will Robinson!”

But I know I can’t sit still either. There’s real danger in doing nothing.

As I was saying, I always like to use October as a month to figure out the targets I want to hit in the coming year. I get a good jump start on them between November and December. This year, the rocks of reality seem smaller, less likely to tear my dream ships (a.k.a. goals) apart. Because of this, I’ve never known how to set good goals (and not for lack of trying and adapting – including calling them “targets,” because goals have the implication of an ending whereas targets can be surpassed). November 1st is coming quickly. I have my targets set, for the most part. I even set up them in an app to track their progress. I’m heading out to an unknown sea.

As I said above, sometimes you just need to start. I’m sure I’ll be button-mashing the reset button a few times in the beginning. (grin) I also know that as of tomorrow morning I’ll be one week away from November 1st. That doesn’t matter. Movement towards my 2022 targets starts when I get out of bed tomorrow morning.

Let’s go!