Suffocating exercises

I wrote today because my mind was definitely self-sabotaging me from painting. Although, I couldn’t even write today until I took a 2 hour nap. As typical for this time of year, I’m not sleeping well. Add to that the sinus infection and I really am not getting good rest.

So, while all the pets slept this afternoon, so did I.

It was some of the best and deepest sleep I’ve had in nearly two weeks.

While I was actually feeling rested, I decided to write some and that was a good idea.

However, I got a call from my son who had some questions about his power bill and other things he’d received in the mail. Adulting is hard (grin). But, I’m glad that I can answer his questions and continue to guide him through his life. Since I spent time chatting with him, I didn’t get as much writing done as I normally would have. But, considering this is the first I’ve done in awhile, I’ll take what I did get done.

One thing that became very apparent too is that packing up computers and taking them traveling with me disrupts me from getting back to work when I return. I’ve noticed this previously, but thought it might be my own laziness or slacking at unpacking – a sort of procrastination. Now, I see that it is more than that. It is a way for the critical voice to win by telling me that it’s too hard for me to unpack and set up now, that it can be done later. When I finally make myself plug in all the cords and run everything around and get connected, it doesn’t take long, but it’s like nails on the chalkboard and grates at me. But I see that it’s a critical voice thing, and it’s designed to stop me. So, I must do something to circumvent this suffocating exercise I go through each time I travel. I don’t have an answer yet. Fortunately, I won’t be traveling anytime soon.

It doesn’t help that I have art shows coming up and I can’t get out of my head enough to get painting done. I don’t believe it is a problem that I can overcome, but I do hope that it is one I can quiet as I do when I’m writing. It will happen, but it will take time and much negotiations within my very own mind. The answer is not outside myself, but inside. And, it would be best if I would take action. I know this. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard to get started.

Especially when I wake up in the morning realizing how much I’m falling behind with other things I had been consistent in only a few weeks ago.

Time to get back on horse, even if it’s bucking wildly.