What bugs me

If today was a plot, it would’ve had a couple twist in it.

Let’s just say I had plans. Plans which I tried to cancel because of the heat, but then started to happen, but were killed due to wasps. Yeah.

I went out for lunch/ice cream with my son and his girlfriend and got home just in time to see that the pets were all trying to sleep through the dog days of summer. I went to try to write (and not for the first time today), but ended up taking a long nap in my chair. I bought a special reclining office chair to take short cat naps in, not full out dozing. I should’ve put my pillow under my head. Since I didn’t, I woke up feeling very groggy and I’m surprised I didn’t end up with a headache.

I spent more time trying to write. Damn boxelder bugs kept distracting me. Not to mention Temmy wanting to cuddle. Oh, sure. I want to hold a steaming little ball of fur in the middle of the summer. No, that wasn’t that bad, sweet, sassy little thing that she is. She’s starting to nuzzle the eyeless side of her face against me. Considering that she’s (rightly) been skittish of things touching that side of her face, I take it as a compliment of trust. But seriously, it’s so hot that she can’t feel any cooler by having me hold her.

So, I’ve been back to trying to write a few words in-between other events. I haven’t written nearly as much as I want to. I suspect that I’m going to have to return to writing first thing in the morning before the daily distractions really kick in, then writing in spurts throughout the rest of the day. 100 words at a time in-between other things. A full hard reset back to baby steps.

Or at least while I finish Siva’s book.

I keep hoping that it’s just the section I’m trying to write. I’m threading together new words with a scene I wrote some time back. It’s like pulling a ball and chain uphill. I’m afraid that when I get to the top, the ball will start to roll down the other side and I’ll be plastered to the other side like a cartoon. Yeah, it probably shouldn’t be that bad. But my critical voice is yammering hard that this story is a piece of crap and I should just move onto another story which seems more fun to write. I know it’s just the typical time for the critical voice to kick in and try to stop me from finishing the story. It does this to me in every story.

But knowing what it is doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. The answer always is to put my hands on the keyboard and type the next sentence.

Oh, look. There’s an boxelder bug. Catch it, catch it. Get it onto the sticky board.

I only wish I were kidding about that, but this is a serious trap my critical voice plays with me to get me to stop. And every time it instantly tears my mind out of the story.

And then Merlin needs to go outside.

Okay, reset. Hands on the keyboard.

Oh, look. Boxelder bug.

On the bright side, I am winning against them again. I see fewer and few of them each day. I just wish they hadn’t gotten a good foothold while I was down. Oh well.

But I don’t think that it’s just my imagination that the bugs are worse this year. There’s a healthy spider population too. There’s so many bugs though, that a being a spider in my house is no longer an instant death sentence. Outside, spiders belong there. Inside, well, this is my territory. Except this year. I’ve let so many spiders go. In fact, one was trapped in my sink the other day and I captured it safely and transported it outside to release it. He went scurrying off under a rock to hide.

Temmy also has now realized that these bugs bother me and she’s started hunting them too. Ah, isn’t that sweet? I think she just plays with them. Boxelder bugs have a very unpleasant odor which helps them fend off predators. Even Temmy isn’t silly enough to try to eat those stinky things.

Anyway, I’m getting severely off-track. See, this is what my critical voice does to me. It derails me. I had thought I’d try to get a few more words written after doing this blog post, but now it’s getting late.

I still think I’ll try. Once I get through these next couple of scenes, I think I’ll be close to the end of the book. I just have to keep going.

Focus.