Trying to settle the screams

Merlin, Bella, and I sat outside today while I did some writing. I finished the 5th part of my current Fenrir’s Tale. Now I can start on the 6th part. It’s definitely becoming a novella.

That’s a picture of Merlin and Bella above. I love how they both looked up at the camera when I called Merlin. I really didn’t expect Bella to glance up too.

After I finished the story, I stared working on my other dilemma. I decided that maybe one of the best things I could do was a brain dump and try to figure out what the critical voice was really trying to tell me. After all, the job of the critical voice is to keep us out of danger. If me creating a schedule makes my critical voice shout that it’s wrong, that I’m in danger, maybe I should try to calm it down and get it to tell me why it feels that way it does.

Did it work? I believe I have a beginning of what’s going on.

I had to stop because my son and his girlfriend came to pick me up so we could go see the Dragonball movie. That was a lot of fun. We also took a trip to the library and to the store before the movie because I had a few things I wanted to pick up. Afterwards, we went out for a quick dinner before they brought me home.

I think that after my work this morning, I was meant to go see an anime movie. I don’t yet know how it plays in, but I feel that it does. I may have a hard insight ahead. Okay, so it’s not hard really. It’s no harder than stepping through an open doorway. But it definitely makes the critical voice shout. Like someone jumping out of the shadows and screaming at you as you’re walking through the doorway.

I’m going to continue my brain dump tonight and then release and change the feelings to what I want before I go to sleep tonight. But even as I write this, I feel a terror barrier going up.

Am I brave enough to walk through?

Even with the scary faces screaming at me?

I need to. I can’t continue like it is now. I need the map and to know my direction. Not to say that I can’t change my destination or even take some side tours, but I need a focus. So yes, I must walk through the doorway and steal the map from beneath the glass display case even if it sets alarms and guards yelling at me to stop. I must do this.

Here I go again.