Well, today had kind of a rushed start. And, I felt like I was crawling through the day. The whole thing made me feel very uneasy.
But, I woke up with an image in my head for that canvas I had swirled colors around on last night until I had nearly made mud. I wrote it down before getting up so I’d remember it. I painted it this evening, making a few minor changes, and …
Well, I’m not happy with it. It goes back to the personal perfectionism which I’d tried to discuss a couple night ago. It’s not my best work. Heck, it’s even up to par with work that’s a couple years old. Okay, it’s better than some of my first works, but I don’t feel like it’s something I could put up to sell. I’ll probably just paint over it.
But, I had to get this painting out. It was what my creative voice obviously wanted to do. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have seen it so clearly in my head this morning.
I do suspect that it was a test to see if I would. Talk about playing mind games with yourself. But also it was to start to give me new ideas and techniques, of which has been revealed to me only as I write these words. Perhaps I had to admit through my fingers that I was ready to destroy that work I had just completed in order to solidify the feeling within myself.
It really is strange what I learn about myself in typing up these daily blogs.
Honestly, I think it’s strengthened a connection with my creative self who loves words. Even my fiction writing seems to be flowing faster and stronger. I hope it’s a connection that stays.
Speaking of writing, I got words in while I was making dinner — well, most of it was reheating, but I did make my eggplant recipe today, so I typed while that was baking. Then, I wrote for a few minutes after dinner, and again before I sat down to paint. I really wanted to get my words done. Once I was done painting, I wrote for a little bit longer to get over the top. I finished today with 1,015 words done. Most of the segments were approximately 15-20 minutes long, though I did have one that was 30 minutes. My painting was 45 minutes. Plus, I did 30 minutes of audio editing this morning — I didn’t mean to do more than 15. Whoops. I even touched my sketchbook today in writing up notes for the painting.
Time to wind down this day. At least I feel a bit more accomplished than yesterday.